A Simple Kind of Lovely

"I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
-W.B. Yeats

dinner really, really sucked.
it's the first time i've cried in a long time.
i feel so stupid.

i think i know how you felt alyssa.
he really does know how break a girl.
i'm fighting the desire to hate him.

i am not that girl.

he's so stressed.
[theworldwillkeepspinningwithoutyou,youknow.]
&always shotting me down for the same reasons.
he's so afraid to be taken advantage of.
if his faith is so "strong";why can't he have faith in me?

i'm so upset i think i'm going to throw up.

what gives you the right to crush me just because your broken?
what kind of selfish man does that?

guess what? i'm just as important as you are.
and i'm going to prove it to you.

so open your eyes asshole.
that little girl image of you?
you just shattered it.

&maybe thats what bothers me so much.

I was babysitting the other day and they have tivo, and they had Little House on the Parie on it. I think I almost cryed! It reminds me so much of my Grandma. I can truly&utterly say, I have seen every episode, we used to spend all morning watching it!
But, it was a good feeling, the whole sad on the brink of tears thing, but I think it gave me some closuer. Which is odd. It wasnt painful, it was lovely. Me&her have this thing, that not even death can take away. I guess it's true, "You'll always have your memories..."
Or however that saying goes. Because, I always thought it was lame for someone to tell you that right as the person dies. It doesnt help. Actually, it made me feel worse. I felt bad becasuase most of her recent memories of me, sucked. We had lovely other memories, but they ones most fresh in my mind were aweful.
But I think it's appirate when you've had closoer, because, it doesnt hurt as much and make you feel bad about your actions. You've had time to remember the good times, and accept the bad ones. Although, "She's in a better place now," dont even get me started on that...





[Oh my, this year is going fast, or is that just me? It seems like it was just September. I wonder if every year goes this fast but we never notice? Thats whats so peculiar about everything, time is the enemy. We're always fighting it, hoping something will go by faster, praying for more time, and regetting the time we took advantage of.
Well, anyway, this blog isnt about time, I'm not sure really what its about. I've just been writing in my other online journal and I forgot all about my nifty myspace blog. So, I guess this is sort of about time, but more of a catch-up:)
So, in my live journal I wrote about my New Year's Resolutions, so I think I'll share them. Because, its kind of frustrating writing and having no one reading it.

New Year's Resoltion #1
"Have a fling, have a love, but not lose myself in either one."

New Years Resolution #2
"Mean what I say, say what I mean."

New Years Resolution #3
"Look my best, feel my best, be the my best."

New Year's Resoltion #4
"Be More Colorful."

New Year's Resolution #5
"Be a better Friend, Daughter, and Sister."

I broke down more in other blogs I wrote but, that about covers it. You can use your imagination :]. I'm such a dork for doing New Years Resoltions, but, I like improving myself, growing is wonderful. I really love growing actually. Not growing up, lol, I'll NEVER grow up. But I'm curious about other people's resuolutions. Are you guys dorks too?]

BRIELLE
B	is for	Bubbly
R	is for	Revolutionary
I	is for	Innocent
E	is for	Ebullient
L	is for	Loving
L	is for	Likeable
E	is for	Explosive

I'm turning into a reclouse and it fascinates me. over the summer I wasn't so digging the super social scene. The thing is, I don't like being alone. So, I don't, I'm just freakish I guess. I'm not in the mood to write. I spent hours writing my leadership essay for Ryken, and now I'm working on my book and I'm not doing super well.

Bleh. Bleh.

New Years was pretty fun. We watched movies about pirates, tried on clothes, and ate like super bowl guys. Great fun, bad on the thighs. The weekend at the grandparents was also pretty good. Tense, yes. But I got to see my Aunt, who I haven't seen since I don't know when. And her awesome baby, my cousin, Caleb. [Her seventh :].

Now I'm trying to get into a New Years swing. My resultions are pretty high. So far, I've done like nothing right. But, I am getting better. At least, I like to think I am. MALC is soon, so thats pretty exciting. And dad's birthday. Not a very busy month though. I have a feeling something is going to happen.

What does 2007 have in store for ME?

Tommarrow never knows.

I sometimes wonder what kind of friend I am, what kind of daughter, sister, niece? And really in retrospect who am I to wonder? What I fear the most, is to fail. To not liv up to all the expectations surrounding me, to letting someone I love down, to get what dream for, to not have what I want.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I don't want to fear anything, I don't want to live with regrets, I want to be happy being me. And now I know what I need to do, but now I wonder, am I driven enough, will I be dedicated enough to change what I know needs to be changed?

New Year's Resolution #5
"Be a better Friend, Daughter, and Sister."

New Year's Resolution #6
"Rid myself of my fears, and know my weaknesses."

So you read the previous entry about Better You, Better Me? Well this one kind of plays off of that one. I want to be more colorful, I want my "apperance" to express more my personality. I want to be more colorful. I think that also goes into to reading different things, listening to different music, and doing my hair different. Oh yes, and my nails, Lmao.

New Year's Resoltion #4
"Be More Colorful."

I want to list what I got for Christmas, because I'm just that cool.

1)Gilmore Girls 4th & 5th Season and Veronica Mars 2nd Season.
2)The Alanna Books, The Circle Opens Books, and Beka Cooper: Terrier.
3)Make-up Stocking and Silver Case.
4)Corduroy pant[es], and pretty stripy shirts.
5)Daisy maze Clotheses.
6)Three Mary Hoffman Books.
7)THE END and a Scrap booking kit.
8)Smelly good stuff and a foot kit.
9)A stripy purse, awesome sunglasses, and Roxy shoes[ies]
10)Dino shirt, Purple Dress and Pink Calico Skirt.
11)Nightmare before Xmas Shirt & journal w/fairy Shirt
12)Pirates 2, Little Mermaid, and Step Up
13)Green Beach Bag full of goodies [ha!]
14)Sister Frame ♥♥♥

Seems like this year went so very fast. Its Christmas Eve already. Thats some pretty crazy stuff. Uncley came up, and Alyssa is on her way. I'm just, not excited. Maybe its because I know everything I'm going to get, downside of helping everyone get what they want, or maybe I'm just jaded. I want to happy, I really do, I just can;t escape this feeling theres something wrong, something missing. Man I sound like Charlie Brown.

Small changes are sometimes the best and sometimes the hardest. I want to be better, I want my sense of Superiority to be justified. I really just want to the best I can be. I've noticed I work better with habits, like most people. Also, I hate things about myself and about my body, but, unlike most people I utterly and truly want to change it. I want to love it. I carve to love myself, to just like who I am.

For starters, I hate the way I dress. I look like something the at dragged in. I've been tomboy grunge for wayyyy to long. Well, maybe not hate, hates to strong of a word. I DON'T LIKE. Also, I like my make up, but I can never make it look good on me. I want to make it look good.And, I want to read more, I know, I know, "Meet the thing that reads alot..." But, I want to expand myself more. I want to be able to quote things like Macbeth. Also, I want to reinstate my quiet times, I need to get a good devotional and get back into that swing, it was a great swing. [Kiss Kiss Costa Rica L-O-V-E]

Expand my horizons in all things, I want to experiment. I want to learn new things and hear new things. In music, books, reading, clothes, and makeup. I want to embrace new things and stop being judgmental. I'm going to erase all the songs off my i pod and try new things. I'm going to buy new clothes, I'm going to buy brighter colors. [I've been saving, Brielle think, $200, lol.] I'm going to read more classics and different styles of books. Make different kinds of friends, and befriend people I don't think I like. [i.e. Courtney, Renaya, Sarah: but dot be pushy.] I'm going to expand, but not forsake, I know who I am, but, maybe, I'm not really sure what I like.

Yes, and I want to lose weight, and yes, I'm a little overweight. I just, hate how I look and I don't feel healthy. I don't like it people give me a dirty look when I saw I'm an athlete. Also, I'm going to be a lifeguard, and for once in my life, I want to look good at the pool. I've been working, but I need to step it up a notch, I need to try harder. [I'm seriously not trying that hard.]

I want to rewrite my habits and redo my room. Cleaner, less messy. Get rid of clutter. New places for everything. Easier to live in. New habits, like steady bedtimes, wake up times, better workout times, school times, play times. I need more money in my savings. $1000 balance by summer. And a checking account of some kind. And I need to tithe better.

I also need to take care of myself better, shower more, wash my face more, take better care of my teeth. I'm good at doing all these things, but its not 100% steady. I want a routine. I want a once a day. A twice a day. I want to shine, be unique, I want it to be expressed not only in how I talk, but how I dress. Make a statement without even opening my mouth, look a revolution. I want to look my best.

I need to take working out seriously. 1hour, everyday, 1/2 on swim team days. I need to do everything. 1 rest day. And Every month I need to do a focus exercise 5 days a week. I need to eat better. One sweet a week. Fast food twice a week. And one bad day. I need to count my calories. Like 1500, a day. More fruit. I need to do some kinds of cardio, like kick boxing etc, to strengthen my heart and keep me strong. I need to make charts. Charts are great. Also, vitamins are key. I might also have to make my own meals. I need to sleep more, and better. Maybe no tape. Feel like a revolution. I want to feel my best.

I need to try harder. Remember more. Help more. Do more things with out being asked. Do better in school. Learn French. Do EVERYTHING I can do to learn French. Babysit better. Make better use of my time. Take better care of my dog. Memorize more. Be a better friend. Stop being selfish. Be stronger. Be happy. Smile more. Hope more. Pray more. Stop shutting people out. Make new friends. Talk about important things more. Show I care. Spell better. Learn about politics. Be nice to everyone. Pass the second semester of Math without cheating. Accept myself, flaws in all. Stand up for what I believe in more. Fight for what I want better. Learn to dance. Set great goals. Write better. Write more. Take better pictures. Stop being so shy. Speak up more. Live everyday to the best of my ability. Make better lists, one everyday. Stop being jealous. Dream more. Regret nothing. Understand I cant do everything. I want to be the best me.

I dont want to blind anymore.

New Years Resolution #3
"Look my best, feel my best, be the my best."

[With list check ups every other Months and cross things of the list.]

"I confess, I messed up, drop it, I'm sorry"

I was thinking about this today, how many times am I wrong? how many times have I not known what the hell I was talking about? Because, I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but, I am right sometimes. But sometimes, I'm just not.

It's confussing, I know, but I'm trying to say something. I just, dont know what.

Maybe I can parallel this with my wonderful Hannah Grace epifiny. Why dont we get along? I mean, does she enjoy provacting me? I wonder if she really thinks I like being rude to her.

Because I don't, it's not my goal to piss her off, I just, I always mess up and say something wrong, and then, it gets tense. I mean, I really do like her, I do, but, it's like running into a wall, over and over agian.

I'm very defense, and she's, very stubborn, and its hard to make a point with her without getting into the whole, "I'm an adult your the kid" critising, lecturing thing. I mean, god, she's MY aunt, I think I know her a hell of a lot better then you, and when I say she has problems, I'm not judgeing, maybe I'm askking you to pray for her. I know I'm not perfect. My eyes have been quite widened by that.

But, I think the main problem is, I feel like she's talking down to me, and I hate that. When I was younger, my parents always treated us like adults, and I'm pretty matured because of that, I mean, I do have my moments :]but still. I'm not as ignorant as she gives me credit for, and I'm not as smart as I give myself credit for.

Sometimes, I do know I'm talking about.

Also, I fight like an adult. I find my side, pull up my resonses, and I bring hell. I have the freakn IQ of a middle aged man! And, yes, I dont take crap from anyone.

And yes, when I'm truly and blantenly wrong, and I reliaze I said something wrong and I'll take critisim. I understand people are different and they think about things differently and I need to be consious of that. I get. Sometimes I dont think before I spaek. But, it's not her responsiblity to conor me and change everything wrong about me. When I say I;m sorry I shouldnt have said that, it's like shes not listening and she keeps on going. Word to wise: I dont grovel.

I get though, our personalities very much so collide. I just, I dont know how to approach this. Whenever I try to talk to her about something, she takes it the wrong way.
She's so hard to read, and I'm not used to that.

Maybe she enjoys our squables? Forminble foe. I just, I dont know. I know I'm venting, and maybe I'm being mean, I dont mean too, but, it's how I feel. I dont understand her. No matter how hard I try, I just, dig that hole deeper.

Maybe I'm to cocky, maybe it is my fault that I'm not as resectful as I should be. But, if she talks to us equals why shouldnt we respone as such? Maybe because I feel like shes not listening, maybe I'm not listening as hard as I should?

I do that sometimes, push people away. Wrong is wrong.

I'd like to know though, then I could fix it. Or, at least try to. I think it might be my fault. I just, I dont know. Did you know, we have never made her laugh? and she always gets offended when we laugh. Most of the time at how stupid we are. Like- nvm. Dont get me started.

Okay, so the parallel thing, Dawn and I were coming back from swim team and I reliazed, more then once, I said, "dont listen to me, I dont know what Im talking about" and Grant responed on the last one, "you never know what your talking about."

I mean, WTF. I know what I'm talking about little boy, I just, idk, catch myself when I'm telling something I don't have facts back up. Or something.

Does that make you wrong though? Does that make it wrong? I dont want people to think while I'm talking, "she doesnt know what she's talking about so whatever"

"I swear, I said"

I want to be accountable. I want people to trust what I say. I want to trust what I say. I don't like chasing after my mouth, regreting what I didn't say.

So, really, how many times is a cocky, overconfident, adolense wrong? Maybe it;s too numerous to count. Maybe its one of those ratios you dont want to know. Maybe its the perfect thing to work on for the new year.

New Years Resolution #2
"Mean what you say, say what you mean."

"You can't control who you love"

I have a new revalation. It's pretty great too. I was talking to Janelle about this boy, [I'll try not to name any names :] I always get in trouble when I do that] and, seriously, I dont think I'm shallow. I like boys, I really do, and I'm allowed to change my mind when I'm crushing. Crushing, we're not dating, we're not invoved, it's not even two sided.

I don't think that makes one shallow. But it's something I need to get thur my head. It's just a crush, I dont even really know him. I'm planning on getting to know him, even if he doesnt like me like that or not.

And I'll try not to.... push it?

So, yeah, he's the apple of my eye, the one guy I like, that I'll probably never have. One in every girls life, huh? I really do like him. His shyness is so very cute and his gentlemanness is so enduring. Like those Prince charmings little girls dream about. Hansome and wonderful.

I think opposites do attrach. He's so quiet and I'm so, not. He's beautiful and I'm, well, I'm pretty, but, it's different. [I tend to the "talking yourself down" because of a guy. Stay away, lol. Did that once, and never agian. *pinky promsis*

I do lose myself with a guy, nothing serious, but on of those, on your way to being serios. Borderline trouble. Because, I am obessesive and I do love with all my heart, sometimes, even when it hurts. Especialy when it hurts,

"Love is blind"

But does that make me shallow? or does it just make me blind? Blind to the faults? Blind to the hints? Blind to everything? Where do you draw the line at what you do and dont see?

I can count my guys on one hand I've liked, alot. I dont fall fast unless I'm really really digging him, then I'm gone, and I need something so very cold to wake me up. And its normaly something very cold and painful that wakes me up. But I do wake up, if that counts for anyhting.

I am very intense when I'm focused, but I'm not the kind of girl who loses everything, I just lose part of myself, or at least, at the time it feels like I have.

Thats why I have a problem with the crush thing. In my mind, a crush is someone, you might never have. I'm not used to not getting what I want.

New Year's Resoltion #1
"Have a fling, have a love, but not lose myself in either one."

Relationship Questions

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Single.

2) Are you happy with who you are?
No. I like someone, alot :]

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Yes. But it'll take me awhile to like someone.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where
cheating is ok?
No.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
Most likely, not.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
No.

8) Do you want children?
Yes, very much.

9) How many?
At least four.

10) Would you consider adoption?
Maybe.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
Just tell me. I can't be honest with you, if you can't be honest with me.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Eh.... no.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
No.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Sometimes.

15) Are you romantic?
Sometimes I am.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
Love is blind.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would it be?
Somewhere awesome.
Like New Zealand.

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Yes.

19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
Yes. Im wishing right now.
He's too old for me.

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
I dont think so.

21) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
Depends on the circanstances.

22)What would you say about your last ex?
I dont miss him.

I had a wonderful weekend with my sister. One of those, so fun you wondered how long it would last, retreating in the back of your head thinking, "any moment now, any momment."

I hate myself for admitting any of this, but, I need to get it out. I'm not trying to bitch, but maybe some things are out of your control.

"I paint it how I see, I only see what I paint."

You can trust her with your life, but not to keep her word. When your not shocked when she doesnt wake up on time, or isnt home like you excepted. Because shes done it so many times, its like, a habit, and accepting it becomes a twisted habit also.

What if it hurts to even think that? Feels like betrayal no matter how hard you try to justify it? Trying so hard just to make her happy, begging for her approval. Feeling selfish about never being happy with what you get? Even if it's enough.

Being angry that there wasnt enough time, when she tried to give you all the time in the world? Hating every bad thought you had about her when she was gone, kicking yourself when you see her cry. Trying to comfort her when you know she doesnt deserve it. No one does.

Feeling helpless, with everyone who means everything to you, screaming so loudly the building shakes and no one looks up. Is that how you feel?

Why does she do that herself? Why are we so destructive? Fighting all the battles in our head. So different yet so the same.

Your better then that. Your better then me. It's Your turn shine.

Spottless twinkle. Careless love. Open your eyes.

Despite all this, she's still the one person in the world I love more then anything. I'm just as hurt by her pain as she does. I'm not to young to understand. I wonder what went wrong. Whatever happened to make everything go so wrong. That one deecsion that changed everything.

She hurts me the most, when she hurts herself.

She tells me to learn from her. How I can I learn if she's learned nothing? I dont want to jugde, I dont want to push her away, I just want her to have everything right for once. I want to be the one person she can count on no matter what, even if she's not ready to be my one person.

"You Owe me Nothing in return for the love that I give."

I need to promise myself to not get mad when she hurts me, I need her to need me. I can do this because I know she doesnt do it on purpose. Because, I know she loves me, I know she needs me to understand her. But I need to let her know when she hurts me, I know I cant kept it all inside. I can be strong, for her. But the one thing I might not have strength for, is for myself. I dont think I be strong for me.I can only be truthful with so many people, and its just so easy to deiceve myself. And I'm not ready to tell the whole truth.

Somehow, that sounds so very hypoccritacal....

"I become someone by loving you"


December 2006
Almond manufatorer :]

I really love the sam :] I wanted to post some pictures of her because she's such a pimp.

.::Man, I'm in a quiz mood::.

You Are...::

[] short, 5'2 and under
[x]5'3 -5'6
[] 5'7" - 6'0
[] tall 6'2 and up

NATURALLY::

[] blonde
[] redhead
[x] brunette
[] dirty blonde/brownish
[] dark brown
[] black
[] orange
[] kind of both blond n red
[] kind of both brunette and black

Eyes::

[] blue-eyed
[] brown-eyed
[] green-eyed
[x] dark eyed (dark brown)
[] gold/gray-eyed
[] silver/gray- eyed
[] blue/green-eyed
[] blue/gray-eyed
[] they change colors

Eye Accessories::

[] glasses
[] contacts
[x] neither
[] both

Hair::

[] short hair
[x] medium
[] long hair
[] mohawk

Your favorite color(s) are::

[] red
[x] pink
[] yellow
[x] black
[] green
[] neon green
[] blue
[] white
[] turquoise
[x] silver
[x] purple
[] brown
[] orange
[] grey
[] maroon
[] gold
[] deep purple
[] blood red

Some things you've done [[or have attempted to do]]::

[] ice skating
[x] hiking
[x] kayaking
[] rafting
[] water skiing
[x] camping
[x] horseback riding
[x] surfing and skim/wake boarding
[] snowboarding
[] skiing
[x] skateboarding
[] cheerleading
[x] lacrosse
[x] street hockey
[x]gymnastics
[] martial arts
[] bmx
[] baton twirling


You Can't STAND Listening To::

[] pop
[x] country
[] christian
[] classical
[] techno
[] oldies
[] opera
[] reggae
[] emo
[] 80's
[x] disco
[] hip hop
[] punk
[] rap

The pets you have/had (Put however many x's number of pets you've had)::


[xx]cat
[x] dog
[xxxx] lizard
[] rat
[] ferret
[xx] bunny
[xxxxx] fish
[] duck
[] horse
[] bird
[xxx] frog
[xx] hermit crab
[] prarie dog
[xx] turtle
[xx] hamster
[] snake
[] gerbil
[] guinea pig
[] pig
[] goat
[] chinchilla
[] tarantula
[] geese
[] chicken/rooster
[] hedgehog
[] mouse

States I have been to (not counting Airports only)::

[] Alabama
[] Alaska
[] Arizona
[] Arkansas
[] California
[] Colorado
[x] Connecticut
[x] Delaware
[x] Florida
[x] Georgia
[] Hawaii
[] Idaho
[x] Illinois
[] Indiana
[] Iowa
[x] Kansas
[] Kentucky
[] Louisiana
[] Maine
[x] Maryland
[x] Massachusetts
[] Michigan
[x] Minnesota
[] Mississippi
[] Missouri
[] Montana
[] Nebraska
[] Nevada
[x] New Hampshire
[x] New Jersey
[] New Mexico
[x] New York
[x] North Carolina
[] North Dakota
[] Ohio
[x] Oklahoma
[] Oregon
[x] Pennsylvania
[x] Rhode Island
[x] South Carolina
[] South Dakota
[] Tennessee
[x] Texas
[] Utah
[] Vermont
[x] Virginia
[] Washington
[x] Washington D.C.
[] West Virginia
[x] Wisconsin
[] Wyoming

Your Confessions::

[] im afraid of quietness
[] I am really ticklish
[x] sometimes I'm afraid of the dark
[] I've collected comic books
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad
[] I open up to others easily
[] I read the blue/green eyes
[] I don't kill bugs
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name
[] I cook very well
[x] I have worn pajamas to class
[] I love Martha Stewart
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[x] I love to laugh.
[] i drink alcohol on a regular basis
[] I have tried a cigarette
[x] I can't swallow pills
[] I bite my nails
[] I want your mom
[] I play computer games
[x] Gotten lost in the city [San Jose]
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[] Been skydiving
[] Been bungee jumping
[x] Bitten someone `
[] Dressed up like a guy/girl
[] egged a house/car
[] Crashed into a car
[] Been fired

Have you ever...::

[x] stolen a sign
[x] danced in the rain
[x] Seen a shooting star
[] Proposed to anyone
[x] Gotten stitches
[x] Eaten Sushi
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Been on a boat
[idk] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[x] Been on a Plane by yourself
[] had surgery
[x]seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[x]been on stage
[] gotten a black eye
[x] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[] watched an entire baseball game on tv

Do you like...::

[x] old movies
[] musicals
[x] music
[x] foreign foods
[] anime
[x] Christmas time
[x] donuts
[x] animals
[] coffee

repost with title my x's

200 questions

200. My name is: Brielle.
199. I was born on: March 22, 1991
198. I am a: a swimmer.
197. My eye color is: moose brown.
195. My shoe size is: nine.
194. My ring size is: 6ish.
193. My favorite color is: purple & black.
192. My height is: 5'7ish.
191. I'm allergic to: tomatos.
190. I live in: Maryland.
189. Last book I read: so yesterday.
188. My bed time is: normally 10 for schoolnights. whenever otherwise.
187. First Screen name: iamtheyellowhamster. dont ask.
186. Current Screen name: xkissesncursivex.
179. My favorite Holiday is: Christmas.
178. The perfect kiss is: Indescribable.
177. The last three cd's I have listened to: shuffle, on my ipod.
176. Last song that made me cry was: songs dont make me cry.
172. My most treasured possession(s) is: the special box.
170. What did you do last night: played on the computer and watched tv.
167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): burn first, then tan.

==========================
I Do /Do Not Believe In (Yes/No)
==========================

143. Santa: No.
142. Love at first sight: Yes.
141. Luck: No.
140. Fate: Yes.
139. God: Yes.
138. Aliens: No.
137. Heaven: Yes.
136. Hell: Yes.
135. Ghosts: No.
134. Horoscopes: No.
133. Soulmates: Yes.

==============
Which is Better?
==============

129. Hugs or Kisses: Kisses.
128. Drunk or High: Hugs not Drugs.
127. Phone or online: Online.
126. Red heads or Black hair: Redheads.
125. Blondes or Brunette: Brunette.
124. Lamb and tuna or peanut butter and jelly: PB&J.
123. Pool or darts: Pool.
122: Sci-fi or horror: Sci-fi.
121: Boys or girls: Depends.
120. Night or Day: Night.
119. Oranges or Apples: Apples.
118. Curly or Straight hair: Curly.

======================
What comes to your head ?
======================

117. Scary: Boo.
115. Backstabber: Grudge.
116: Parents: Away.
110. School: Stressful.

=========
Last time?
=========

102. Hugged someone: Today.church homies.
101. Seen someone you haven't seen in a while: yes. janelle.

===========
Miscellaneous
===========

90. Who's the ditziest person you know?: er. dawn maybe.
89. Who makes you laugh the most: bethers.
87. One thing I'm mad about right now: $3. damn? thats all!
83. The last movie I saw in the theater was?: Casino Royale.
82. Ever ate sushi: yes. if you dont think about it to much. its pretty tasty/].
80.What did you do today? church && then Rubies with Sarina.
78. This summer: lifeguard. holler at your girl.
77. Next year will be: at Ryken!
76. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog.
78. Thing that I'm looking forward to the most is: actually going to school.

=================
What are you doing? [a quiz. duh.]
=================

71. Tomorrow: babysitting school swim team.
72. Today: church lunch alyssa.
71. Next Summer: swim team lifegaurding homies.

================
More Miscellaneous
================

64. The person I have been good friends with the longest: bethers.
63. The person who knows the most about me is: hmm. bethor alyssa.
62. person that can read me the best is: dawn.
60. The most difficult thing to do is: open up.
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: no.
58. I have the following siblings: alyssa.
56. My zodiac sign is: aries.
54. Who do you feel most comfortable with: depends.
53. The person who cant hide anything from you?: alyssa.
48. I have a job: babysitter.
47. I have a pet(s): sammy bonnie & clyde.
45. The worst sound in the world: idk.
44. The person/people that made me cry the most is: i dont cry much.
43. My favorite piece of clothing is/are: the diana hurley sweatshirt.
32. My favorite sport is: swimming or feild hockey.
30. Your last picture taken: a day or so ago.
28. The church/synogauge: PRAG.
27. Last person I got mad at: janelle.
26. My worst experience: hmm. betrayal/// o
22. The all-time best movie is: one? hmm, idk. i dig pirates, lol. or LOTR.
21. The all-time best thing in the world is: happiness.
20. So, about them Canadians: I love ca-na-dee-ans!
19. The most annoying thing ever is: OMG. stupid preppy bitches who write like this: TH3 PIIIG. and shit like that.
18. The most annoying person you know is: omg. dont even.
17. I lost respect for people who: judge.
16. I hate: no one. at least, I try not too.
15. I Like: alot of things.
14. My Favorite Day is: Wednesday.
13. My Favorite Month is: July
12. My Favorite band is: idk. the fray, or snow patrol.
11. The worst physical pain I ever felt: the madd stommach flu.
10. My favorite Quote: Have to many, lol.

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and preserving sweet. - Shakespeare

9. My room: is better than yours. word.
8. My favorite actress/actor is: a classic beauty; Marilyn Monroe.
7. Your weakness: underestmating & embarresing myself.
6. Who do you like: many things.
5. Cats: are bad. evil demon creatures.
4. Keep a journal:. yes. pssh.
3. Who broke your heart: X
2. I filled out 200 questions because: I had nothing better to do.
1. Is this a good survey: Sure, looks like someone put a lot of effort into making it.

I order some clothes the other day, a sweater and a skirt. owweee, big spender. yeah, not really. i'm very stashy about my money. i'm not really into banks, you know, being 15 and all, its hard to get your hands on it sometimes. i'll probably open a stash account, as well as a savings.

So, anyway, I'm waiting to get picked up for church. My dad is preaching today, err, did preach. We have two services and he only is preaching at one. So, I sort of missed him. I girls got to sleep,
you know.

Man, Oliver Wood is hott! I absulotly love his accent. [okay, I know I've been over this, but, I'm not one of thise obsessive Harry potter fans, but I really like 3 things about it. One; the books, the fourth one in particular I dig. They are terribly addicting. Two; Oliver Wood [in the movie && Cedric Diggory [in the books] rock my freakn socks off. Three; Although, I really dont like any of the movies, I really like the fourth one.

Okay, so number three, kind of sucks, and isnt really a reason. But still. I'm not really into HP, and I'm not in denial. [I'm a terribly devoted LOTR fan. word.]

So, the two points of this post is:
ONE- oliver wood is a sexy beast!
TWO- im not obessed with hp, just oliver wood :]

Now that, thats clear...

Alice in Wonderland Sydrome.

I read about this the other day:
Alice in Wonderland syndrome: A syndrome of distorted space, time and body image. The patient with the Alice in Wonderland syndrome has a feeling that their entire body or parts of it have been altered in shape and size. The syndrome is usually associated with visual hallucinations. The majority of patients with the syndrome have a family history of migraine headache or have overt migraine themselves.

I'm not as emo as before, lol. I've just been feeling so weird. I when I was reading about AIW, I thought ir kind of was like how I a few years ago.[I used to get crazy headaches]But, I dont think I have an illness, actually, I seriously doubt it. Still, its interesting.